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pure originality - pure Saiyuki

A students' blog. Lover of many things, master of none. Does procastination count?

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

It hurts when you give more than you receive. I'm all for doing service for others, helping the unfortunate, etc, etc. But friendship isn't supposed to be like that. Friendship is an exchange of sorts. Friendship is where I give you a piece of my soul to take care of while you give me a piece of yours in exchange.

Keyword there.

Exchange.

It doesn't work where I'm the only one handing out. I don't ask for your money. Neither do I ask for your total undivided attention or to be the focus of all that you do. All I ask for is equal consideration in all the things that matter.

It hurts when you realise you're the only one who's really concerned about getting to know the other half of a friendship. It's like the piece you carved out from your 'self' was tossed to rot on a road somewhere. I know that in any friendship there will be disagreements. There will be fights. There will be a lot of things that hurt you and make you stronger.

That kind of shit I can deal with.

It's indifference and condescension and insults that I don't like.

Because I'm worth more than that.

How can you choose between friends? Do you look at one and say "Okay, he's worth about 50 bucks while the fat kid over there is worth 10. Gee, guess who I'm going with?" I can't choose. Put any two of the people I actually consider friends before me, and ask me to pick one and I'd say go take a running jump off a high place. I'm not made that way. You're my friend until something happens to make me change my mind. And the only thing that could happen would you changing from the person I first became friends with.

I give you 100% in a friendship. There have been times when I have pushed the boundaries of my friendships with people, asking for more than I should have. There have been times when I have asked for something without thinking, and upon being given the favour... stop, think, and go "Dang, did I make her/him do that???"

And I am thankful for all the good friends that I have.

But I refuse to be taken advantage of. I refuse to allow people to take more than they can give back. My soul's got too many scars for that.

~A lie is a strand of your fate torn out and given to the wind. Trust earned is the glue that binds the frayed strands into place~

| 5:29 PM