pure originality - pure Saiyuki
A students' blog. Lover of many things, master of none. Does procastination count?
Transmission interrupted. Please make your way to www.bhelliom.blogspot.com
[Human]
[19 years of age]
[Hindu]
No I don't speak latin, but as a frazzled, hassled, *slacking* med student, what comes out of my mouth sounds like Greek sometimes. Currently based nine months out of 10 in India, which would be WHY I need this blog, so yeah... *wanders off with Netters in one hand and Chaurasia in the other*
[loves]
God
Friends
Family
Thinking. Reading. Laughing. Being loved. Smiling. Peace. Happiness. Knowing. Feeling. Philosophy. Sarcasm. Dry Wit. Melody. Voices. My 5 senses. My dog.
[hates]
Nothing much at the moment
Occasionally me
Frustration
[Layout was flicked from user mahira69 over at blogskins.com Link is under Gojyo]
Sorry. Transmission interrupted. Please make your way to www.bhelliom.blogspot.com
Harap maaf, rancangan tergendala sebentar. Sila ke www.bhelliom.blogspot.com
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
There are points in time when I wonder at the logic of my attitude to the world. I give of myself to people. I am genuinely interested when I ask a question, I do want to cheer you up when I say 'Good Morning!' , and I feel bad when shit happens, etc. etc. et all.
But is it worth it to actually do things like this when you find yourself being segregated on the basis of your looks, race and/or religion? When you are openly ignored or disregarded on grounds that you cannot or will not change. I can't bleach my skin... I'm still going to be an Indian, no matter the colour of my face. I could go on a starvation/ rabid exercise plan to shed off the excess kilos for reasons other than health.. but honestly, why? I could face a white accent... and making myself feel completely moronic in the process.
Granted, I could easily convert to any other religion, gaining me masses of friends in whichever I choose.. but I love my religion, I love the way I reach God, and I love the way.... Suffice to say, me and conversion isn't gonna happen...
I'll face life in the way that I choose, treating people the way that I see fit. It does hurt when I'm brushed aside. It does hurt when you're treated... different. But to do anything else would be changing myself to be like them.
And there ain't no way you fuckers are pushing me into THAT.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
I was considering taking a particular blog on my SEA blogs list (click on Gojyo to see full list) off my list. The blog in question is Sixth Seal. I like the blog for his articles on products, places and food, but I find his casual promotion of drug taking a bit the 'off' for me. The guy is a drug user, and on his blog discusses the various pros and cons of the many drugs he finds along the way. It's informative, but not really something I condone.
After a few minutes of thinking, I decided to leave him on the list. He writes well, and I'm learning a lot of things that I wouldn't get anywhere else. I do wish he'd take more care of himself though. He himself says "i don't encourage anyone who's not using drugs to use drugs. it's more of an intellectual discourse between existing users. :)"
Feel free to whack on me being affected by government propaganda and bring up establishment theories on how drugs really ain't all that bad. fine. You have your opinion and I have mine. I respect this guy because he's holding down what I assume is a stable job, writes well, and presents everything he says in a matter-of-fact, take-it-or-leave-it way. As long as you don't affect anyone but yourself buddy boy, take all the drugs you want.
But there are also a lot of damn fool idiots out there who affect all those around them by slamming drugs. The word "drug" in itself is ambiguous. I'll be prescribing stuff for people to take in 4 years. Does that make me a pimp? But when you find yourself experimenting with cocktails of over-the-counter drugs in search of that progressively more elusive 'high', and ignoring the problems that WILL come with it (like progressive memory loss, possible inducement of degenerative diseases, and seizures).. it's a lose-lose situation.
Humans are gratifists. We will always be in search of new feelings and sensations, searching for something that makes us feel complete. But know your own limitations. I felt weird about the blog because at points when reading his posts and the subsequent comments, there were sections of text which I found disturbing. He was blase about things that most people would consider important, and has a sense of reality that it a bit.. disconnected at times.
Just something that I found weird.
But the fun of the blog WAY overrode everything else. I love reading people who write well, plus it's a really good place to find out the truth about 'illegal substances' While the entire "drugs are bad and will make you brain-dead in any dose" is a bit the overdone, reading how they calculate their own doses and the stuff that is used to potentiate the high is very informative.
Plus, sometimes drug use can be a good thing for doctors ^_^ One of the major breakthroughs in Parkinson's Disease came through the misfortune of a large number of drug users in San Fran I think. There was an amazingly high incidence of Parkinson's among the users who'd been buying drugs off one particular guy. He'd been experimenting with a new combination that gave an amazing high, but also increased the agent that causes Parkinson's. Ow-ch
Knowledge isn't always a good thing, and the longer I am in this damn course, the longer I feel quite surprised that at some point... Many people will put their lives in my hands. Anyone who's met me would find that hilarious.
Do you want to know how to trust doctors? How to choose one that's really good and is the most likely to keep you alive? The inside story from a person who is knee-deep in this pit of medicine and sinking rapidly?
Graham Chapman of Monty Python fame (a doctor himself) said it best.
"Don't trust doctors - they are after all only ex-medical students"
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
I love this template… heart, heart, smiles and all that jazz. I have no idea why, but I just do. I know that some may regard it as juvenile, others as childish, and still more “adults” will turn away from my page upon seeing the Saiyuki boys there, but I just*heart* this template. So it stays… so there ^_^
Saiyuki’s helped me a lot, both in defining my thoughts, and in making me realise a few home truths about the world at large. I hope that someday, something I say will make others feel like that too.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write.
01. Kishen
02. Christine
03. Elena
04. Kausalyaa
05. Michelle
06. Audrey
07. Adele
08. Zabrina
09. Darshini
10. Sri
11. Janet
12. Patrick
13. Michelle Chan
14. Rebecca
15. Miss Anne
16. Joann
17. Jamie
18. Shraddha
19. Alex
20. Jer Lin
How did you meet 14?
She lives in my hostel
What would you do if you never met 1?
Be very sad ^_^ She’s such a cheerful person I’d lose a lot of laughs
What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
Be EXTREMELY surprised that two of my high school mates are beginning a progressive lesbian relationship
Did you ever like 19?
Oh fuck no. Not ever, ever, ever… gah, ew
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
17 would probably be interested, But I think the Bible forbids this kind of thing, so that rules out 6
Describe 3.
Elena is a funny, straightforward, crazy girl who shares my love of fantasy books, encourages my writing, laughs at my jokes and nurtures my interest in Anie and comics. She’s also another future doctor who doesn’t know wtf she’s doing in the course.
Do you think 8 is attractive?
She’s one hawt chick ^_^
Tell me something about 7.
A gem of a pal who is finally going to the land of her dreams!! America!!
Do you know any of 12's family?
Yes, though I was just following the thought process when I put him on the list. I’ve met his siblings and mom years ago. Haven’t spoken to him in… again, years tho..
What's 18's favourite?
Favorite guy? Jai ^_^
What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
Oh lord, she’s a hot chick, but it would be among one of the weirder things to happen in my life. Why are all the love questions involving chicks??!!
Who is 9 going out with?
Now THAT is a question for the sages and the ages.. Lord only knows
How old is 16 now?
20!! Ahaks, she’s older than I am ^_^
When was the last time you talked to 13?
Omg about a year ago!!! I so have to contact her soon!
Who's 2 favourite band/singer?
Christine!! I honestly have no clue wei… like, NO clue. Tell me chick, who do you like?
Would you date 4?
Nope. If I were a guy, yes.
Would you date 7?
Nope. If I were a guy, yes.
Is 15 single?
Ahaks, Christine, what do you think? I so have to go back and ask her this question
What's 10's last name?
Veloo
Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
Once again, why are all the love questions about chicks??? But if I were a guy, hell yeah!
Which school does 3 go to?
IMU
Where does 6 live?
Subang Jaya!
What's your favourite thing about 5?
She’s a lovely person, inside and out. And the way she faces lifes’ challenges head on is very inspiring. But I do wish we were closer.
Friday, June 09, 2006
people irritate the fuck out of me sometimes.... The only retribution I can give is to irritate the fuck out of them too
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I just saw a picture of a few of my classmates in labcoats. They’d captioned the photo as “Future Doctrorrzzz!!!” and leaving aside the irritating use of’ ‘z’ in the caption (a pet peeve of mine), they really did look like doctors. They looked like responsible young adults, capable of taking on all the responsibilities of the job.
Fast forward to me taking a look at a picture of myself in a labcoat. No one looking at the picture would have seen a medical student. All they’ve seen would perhaps be a college student attending lab, or someone playing dress-up. But I know for a fact that my mindset is one hell of a lot more suited for medicine than many of my classmates. It doesn’t bother me that many people, seeing me in class etc. say “You don’t look like a doctor la!” or “I can’t see you in 5 years time!” I know I’ve got the brains to do it,… God’s given me that much ^_^
What worries me now are the mechanical skills. First off, I’m a self-acknowledged klutz. I’m clumsy, and my hand skills are nonexistent. Now, more than ever, am I seeing that medicine is ultimately a hands-on job. Not only do you require brains and the right mind set, you also need skills. Injections, palpations, suturing, examinations, extraction, and the list goes on… it’s crazy. And most of my clumsiness with tools stems from the fact that I’m fat.
Not just fat.
In clinical terms, I’m morbidly obese.
(and most of you will have no idea just how difficult it was to admit that)
Many of the coordination and motor skills that kids develop when young I simply didn’t, because I never attempted any sort of physical activity. I didn’t___ because, whenever I tried something and didn’t do it well on the first try, I’d be told it wasn’t because I hadn’t had any practice, but because I was too fat to do it. At some point, you just stop being involved. You run the other way when someone mentions an activity that involves physical work, and concentration.
This in turn now has affected my confidence in being able to carry out the things that my job will require me to do. And I can’t afford that, not in my chosen profession. Today a friend told me that his future healthcare depends on me passing in the allotted time, so not to delay it at all. He meant it in a joking way, but that led me to realise that “will ye, nil ye” a person will be asked by those s/he cares about, to act in the capacity of their job.
And when I am a doctor, when my friends come to me, I must be able to carry out my duties well. I’m the only doctor in my generation on my fathers’ side, and I’ll probably be the only one accessible on my mothers’ side. Ultimately, their healthcare will fall upon me. I will be responsible. And with every new skill I realise I’ll have to know, I get more and more nervy.. because I’m not confident in my motor skills…
Plus I’ve come to realise that my size has also affected a lot of the things I do in life. I may brush it off with a joke and a laugh, but at some point, if I don’t get a hold of myself, I’m going to end up with my size becoming a disability. And I don’t think I could handle that. With a family history that is crazy. (hypertension, diabetes, heart problems and cancer on both sides, just to name a few) I cannot afford to let this carry on…
Not if intend to have a snowball’s chance in hell of carrying out my job well. Not just adequately, not just okay, but well.
And I don’t know if I’ve the willpower for that.
~Raindrops are pretty little things, so small and light…. But when they come as a wall, we call it a tsunami___________and we all fall down~
18.12.05
An Exile: One who serves his country by remaining abroad, but is not an Ambassador
26.12.05
Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another
[michelle]
[Elli-chan]
[Adele]
[Princess Christine]
links to blogs I love
[Yongfook]
[Azrael]
[Vietnamese God]
[Restroom Revelations]
[PostSecret]
[Overheard in New York]
links to SEA blogs I follow
[Screenshots]
[Kenny Sia]
[Sixth Seal]
[Aisehman]
[Eating Asia]
links to more
[creater & designer]
[helper]
[brush]
[blogger]
[blogskins]