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A students' blog. Lover of many things, master of none. Does procastination count?

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

Vampires are cool bastards.. It's probably because they're always portrayed as cool, menacing, rich badasses.... They're usually the epitome of an urbane gentleman, or someone who can scare the living daylights (never understood that phrase, but it seems strangely appropriate here, dunnit?) out of you...

But I got to thinking (par usual, cue shocked gasps from whoever's reading)... Why would a vampire be rich? For that matter, why would a vampire be cool, cultured and urbane? Sure they're creatures of the night that live off blood, but then again that would mean that they're widely reviled creatures who face up to the night with a pair of fangs and a severe daylight allergy... Kind of a severe handicap in the game of life, no?

Of course, any vampire that survived all these setbacks would definitely be the cream of the crop, wouldn't they. But the most likely victims of the change would be whichever poor sod who happened to be unlucky enough to get dragged to a back alley and drained. Not exactly the kind of people legends are made from...

All of the vamp info I'm using here is merely snippets taken out from popular culture, and should vamps really exist, I'd assume there would be some differences... but hallo? major elements still come into play. Business is usually the name of the game when it comes to making cash, and what about all those luncheon meetings they wouldn't be able to make because

"Lunch=Afternoon=Sunlight=Fried Vampire"?

Or,... Our newest employees isn't strange.. not really... he just happens to like being in a room completely devoid of natural light and refuses any invitaton that would involve him giving his pasty face a tan....

Ya see what I'm getting at here?

Then again, our current world of artificial light would be ideal for vampires! They could work the graveyard shift (How apt) at any company, take night classes for self-improvement, conduct business meetings by video-conferencing.... I'd say they'd have it a lot easier now than way back when. Of course, any attempt made to seduce an innocent female is likely to be met with a knee to the groin and mace to the eyes,.. but that's a different matter. They could just stop by the local blood bank, or pick up someone drunk in any club. When one door closes another opens and all that jazz...

But I still think that the current stereotype of tall, dark and handsome vamps, and slim, gorgeous vamps is a fallacy.

How can a vampire be dark? He/She'd either have to be dark naturally to begin with, or use skin dye. [For those of you who are a little blur-fied,...a vampire getting a tan= dust] The handsome bit is subjective... but still a bit the strange.... and the tall... I wouldn't be changed into a vampire naturally. Imagine having to give up sunrises, going to the beach, gorgeous views!! The simple feeling of being warm.. Hell no!!! So wouldn't it be a bit harder to grab a person around the neck if that person were tall?

And my prime problem...

Vampires are portrayed as rich

A person is rich depending on their aptitude of making money or just dumb luck. A person who gets the blood drained out of them by a fanged denizen of the night is not the kind of person to whom I'd give the title... "Lucky Bastard"... [My title of choice would be more along the lines of Damn Blur Dumb Fuck"...] So you'd have to have that talent for making money that not many people seem to have...

Conclusion : Talent is required to fit the cool vamp stereotype.

So to all you tall, dark, urbane, rich, Fang-Boy's out there... I congratulate you! You work hard to get where you are!!!

(Note : Snaps to everyone who figured out that the inspiration for this entry came from the simple fact that the fic I'm working on now is based on vampires)

~No one appreciates the effort it takes to be a badass... You think being an abrasive jackass is a talent I'm born with???~

| 6:29 PM